Carpe Diem

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Seize the day!!!

Sounds simple enough right? Then why is it so hard for us as individuals to simply live in the moment? People usually want to live in the moment but for some reason are unable to; this is because we let feelings like indecision, uncertainty and regret paralyze us. The easiest way to get around and conquer those negative thoughts is to push through them.

Humans have the uncanny ability to feel an issue before they really experience it. It’s like that little voice on intuition that nags at you before the big meeting or during that first date or at that BIG job interview. We have to learn to turn that voice down. You don’t want to cut it off completely because that is the same voice that warns us and keeps us safe. If we could just moderate the volume we could start on the road of self-awareness and understanding.

Your intuition was designed to guide you through perilous situations but the catch is that the voice will sound the alarm anytime you are doing something new. It’s a warning; though not all warnings are warranted.

Listen to your spirit, what is it telling you? Why is it delivering that message? Is it a message you need right at that moment? How will you process the message? These are simple enough questions that can be asked at any moment in which you feel unsure. If the situation warrants the warning; take heed. If the situation can be navigated with the usual amount of caution; proceed anyway.

Go forth and live the life you were destined to live!

Embrace your greatness!!

Seize the day!!!

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Deconstruction

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Deconstruction is defined as the analytical examination of something (such as a theory) often in order to reveal its inadequacy. Basically what that means is the act of tearing something apart to show what is really there (or isn’t there). Within your life this can be done in a myriad of different ways but before you reach for your hardhat, tool belt and work boots; take a moment to understand what it is you are looking for within the deconstruction process.

We all have had that moment in our lives in which we just don’t feel happy. It is at that moment that we decide a course of action in order to get our life back on track. We begin to look at what isn’t presently working versus what has worked in the past; with a sprinkling of wishful thinking. This is when deconstruction begins…

The deconstruction process is different for everyone though some questions regarding the situation(s) remain the same:

Who wronged you

Who lied to you

Who let you down and/or didn’t live up to your expectations

Notice the theme that is emerging? Too often we as individuals look to place the blame upon the shoulders of others when things aren’t going right in our lives instead of looking inward for a root cause.

Humans are funny like that – when things go right we want all the accolades but when something goes wrong we want someone else to take the fall.

Tune in at 6pm CST all this week to https://www.facebook.com/NappyGryl2013/  to discover some tips and insights on how to tackle the deconstruction process for all the avenues of your life in a healthy and beneficial fashion.

See you there…

Know Your Worth

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Self-worth, is a very tricky concept for those who have never learned to love self above all else. Self-worth and self-love go hand-in-hand. Your perception of your self is initially shaped and molded by those around you as you grow up. Then there comes a time in which you become the master of your destiny so to speak; meaning you are the only person that can define your self-worth.

The biggest mistake we make in determining and/or calculating our personal self-worth is the fact that we allow what others think of us externally to weigh heavily in our calculations. It’s almost like the entire world is a department store and each person has a price gun in which they can utilize the setting of their own personal price. That price you put upon yourself is your calculation of your self worth.

Where are you in the store of life? Are you in the discount bin, are you on the clearance rack, are you on the middle of the floor display with the highest price in the store, or are you mixed amongst the middle racks with a midline selling point?

There are many nations of people whose ancestors were sold at auction. Their flesh being peddled to the highest bidder. Will you continue to facilitate centuries of self loathing when setting your price?

Long gone are the days in which your value can be set by those around you! Embrace the greatness that is you and set your price accordingly! We live in a world in which we have evolved into valuing quantity over quality. Let’s get back to the old days of quality being paramount! Set your price point and stick to it! Because nobody values you like you.

If you continue to undervalue and thus effectively underpricing your self to the world you shall forever remain on clearance.

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Live The Love (Marriage Series pt. 5)

How does one live the love? How do you go about living your day today in, with and for something that is purely emotional? Or is it?

When you fall in love with someone ideally you fall in love with everything about them. You fall in love with their flaws, strengths, beauty, intelligence, emotional fortitude and most of all their heart. Well that’s what most of us wish for.

Living the love is quite simple. When you love yourself you can openly and honestly love another person. Upon entering any relationship both parties should be willing to be open about their past; their past loves, their past heartbreaks, their past joys and their past needs. When you open yourself to love you then are open to receive love.

A marriage is the joining of two people in what is supposed to be a lifelong union. Far too many times we fall prey to loving out of convenience. We succumb to the appeal of loving for profit. The bottom line is in today’s society it has become acceptable to constantly be on the come up.

Learn that which makes you happy. Understand that which gives you joy. Embrace that which makes your soul soar.

Childrearing 101 (Marriage Series pt. 4)

The task of raising a child is a lot harder than it looks. It is especially hard when both parents (whether biological or non-biological) are involved. Now many will say isn’t it easier to raise a child with two parents? In reality it is not; with one parent you have one way of doing things, one way of life and one level of expectation but conversely when you have two parents you have two distinct ways of looking at things and two distinct ways of getting things done this is where the difficulty can come in.

The theme of this series this week is marriage and believe it or not the easiest part of your marriage will be getting to the part in which you say “I do” and profess undying love for one another; everything that comes after that is hard work and raising your kids is no exception.

When you look at marriage for what it really is, two people coming together who share a common bond, a common love and sometimes common children. Living life should be a easy undertaking but children do make it a hell of a lot more interesting. When you have two distinct personalities attempting to converge on one task at hand things can get a little mixed up and signals can get crossed. You have one parent wanting to do things one way and the other parent wanting to do things a totally different way; this is where you need compromise. In order to raise well-rounded individuals you both must possess the same desire and the same drive for your children or it will never work. One child cannot be treated one way and the other child be treated completely different. Now don’t get me wrong I am a firm believer are in treating each child as an individual as they all will have distinct personalities and require markedly different parenting techniques. The thing that must remain consistent in raising our children is love, trust, openness and communication. Those things cannot waiver from child to child.

Far too often parents get caught up in the act of being their child’s friend and not in being their parent. Typically in a marriage in which there is discord over how to raise the children it is usually because one parent plays the role of disciplinarian and the other parent plays the role of the more fun and exciting one. Children will figure this out and understand which parent place which roll by the time they reach adolescence and will be able to exploit each individual parent for what they want. When children do this it effectively causes a wedge between the two parents instead of between the parents and the child where the wedge should be. Kids are very smart like that. Remember as I said earlier they are in fact mini adults.

To get around marital discord with regard to child rearing the number one thing you must remember to do with your partner (and always will be in every situation) is communicate!

 

Surviving Infidelity (Marriage Series pt. 3)

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Infidelity or more commonly known as the act of cheating; whether it is emotional or physical tends to be the most damaging facet to a marriage. We tend to go through life thinking that the world revolves around us as an individual and our own personal happiness. This way of thinking is what most commonly leaves a person to cheat. Personal gratification. Be it prolonged or immediate the need for personal satisfaction tends to reign supreme with most people.

A lot of people tend to think that there is no coming back from infidelity; but with hard work and dedication a marriage can actually survive. To rebuild and restructure our relationship after infidelity has occurred is extremely hard though. It will take work from both parties involved to be successful. What hurts the most from an act of cheating is rarely the act itself but rather the loss of trust within the marriage. Trust just like communication is the foundation of any great and successful relationship. Just as I have stress before you need to effectively communicate your wants and needs to your partner you must also trust and be trusted by your partner. Trust just like love is not given rather it is earned.

The hardest thing to overcome is a lost of trust. If your partner does not trust you or conversely if you do not trust your partner your relationship is destined to fail. Now many will question how do you come back once trust has been damaged and or lost? The answer is quite simple believe it or not you must rebuild the trust you must rebuild the communication that was evidently lacking that led to the infidelity.

We building trust is not an easy endeavor. In order to do so you must essentially tear of the relationship apart and start all over fresh. This is even true in relationships that have spanned decades. You must go back to the fundamentals of understanding how and why you loved your partner or your partner love Jew in the first place. You Must strive to get back to the place in which you both fell in love. The place in which you saw no one but that person. The place in which you wanted to be with no one other than your partner.

To understand and overcome infidelity you must understand the different levels of infidelity. Cheating can occur on two fronts; emotional cheating, and physical cheating are two different things. Both are equally damning but both can be overcome. Emotional cheating occurs when you emotionally invest into another person that is not your partner. This can be in person, over the telephone or over the Internet. When you find yourself talking and sharing emotionally with another person that is not your partner or you find yourself hiding call logs, email, inboxes and/or text messages you are already cheating on your partner. This commonly occurs when there is a lack of intimacy and communication within your marriage. Physical cheating we all know is the active having sex with another person that is not your partner. Plain and simple. This occurs most commonly when there is a perceived deficiency with regard to sexual intercourse within your marriage.

These are the most basic and most common breakdowns of the two forms of infidelity. Now many will make him myriad of excuses as to how and why they cheat; the fact of the matter is no matter the reasoning it is still cheating it is still wrong and he can steal destroy your marriage. There is no excuse for cheating of any kind. Cheating in itself is a conscious choice that is most commonly made for selfish reasons.

People like to look at their relationship and assume they are missing something and rather then sit down and communicate these deficiencies with their partner they choose to satisfy those wants, needs and desires via another person.

The cheating is detrimental all is not lost. You can come back from it but you must be willing to be open, honest, and completely vulnerable to bearing your strengths, weaknesses and miss deeds to your partner. You must be willing to humble yourself completely and disclose everything holding nothing back and fully allowing your partner to make the decision as to whether or not they want to continue with the marriage. Some people choose counseling, some people choose to work it out in house so to speak, and many choose to ignore it and sweep it under the rug and just act like it did not happen and continue on with their marriage. No matter your approach, the desire and the need to reconcile our relationship after infidelity has occurred rests solely with the individuals within the relationship.

It sounds very cliché to say but the easiest way to overcome infidelity is to never let it occur in the first place. Be open with one another, communicate effectively with one another, trust one another, love each other unbiased Lee and without expectation and most importantly be true to yourself with regard to your wants, needs and desires. Love your partner as you yourself desire and deserve to be loved.